ON THE BLOG
MY TWO CENTS
I am a huge fan of reciprocity, and so this blog serves as insight into my life, into the ways that I think, and how I see the world. Because I feel that every connection in my life should be a two-way street.
i am done “proving” myself
I used to be someone who took pride in being so independent, in knowing that I didn’t need anyone to help me - “I can do this all on my own”. And now, I am loving the help, loving the support, and asking for help has become something of a necessity in my life. I am done “proving” myself.
it feels like a void within me is finally being filled
You know, there are periods of life where things just feel messy. And I am in one of those periods right now. I feel like everything inside of me is shape shifting (once again!) and it’s hard for me to keep up and process. And I’ve been crying so much lately (and eating a lot of bread and cheese). And sometimes I feel ridiculous, feel like this move shouldn’t be that big of a deal, like I should be able to handle it. And that’s just not the case.
my main goal right now is ME
2025 is the year of the snake, as I've been reminded of many times lately. I keep telling people that I’m shedding, I’m letting go, I’m pulling back from commitments, cancelling plans, donating house items, rearranging my apartment. Creating SPACE. Space for what? Who knows…
women have to rage. men have to cry.
So I play the cool girl, everything is fine, I’m fine, it’s cool. When really I am FUMING inside. So now is the chance for me to express how I feel when I feel it. And part of that is moving my body so that I can let my emotions flow.
maybe it’s time to drop everything I planned for my life
So maybe it’s time to drop everything I planned for my life. Burn it all down. Allow my future to be a blank slate. Release the expectations, release the vision, stop GRASPING for something that doesn’t feel right.
“the rest is still unwritten…”
Sometimes it’s wild to me that I’m 37 and still haven’t experienced a “healthy” relationship. There are times that it makes me sad, like I’ve been missing out all these years. Like maybe I’m not worthy of that type of love or that I’m destined to be alone forever. And then I go through these dating experiences and I am reminded of WHY. I am reminded of my parents relationship dynamic.
mental note: must slow down more.
And then whenever I’m just taking my time, slowing down, talking to people, quite literally stopping to smell the flowers - time goes so SLOW. In the best way. Have you ever noticed that?